but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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