he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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