You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
