i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Nobody cheats on THIS.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
