Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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