Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
