You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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