I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
