I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
