your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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