watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
