Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize
