i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
