Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
