I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
