I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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