Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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