just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
