You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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