i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
