he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Semen is not good for contacts.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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