Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
