dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
