I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
