So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My dick has a subreddit
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The Olympian is in my bed
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
