shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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