Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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