Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
