dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
