I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
