yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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