when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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