am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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