I'm going to jail i love you
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
