too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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