how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
