SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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