my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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