It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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