I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Randomize
