woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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