I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't deserve a penis
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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