did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
