my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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