Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
