then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
