Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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