Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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