Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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