Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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