If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
