after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
