Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
