I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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